pissed

another evening fuckig wasted

sometimes i just don't know why i keep doing the same thing over and over

hope you enjoyed your nap. cause i'm tired too. tired of being sober for tonight. if you decide to wake up, i'll prob be gone. no, i will be gone. g'night.

this is rediclous - you wanted to see me ("I hope I will get to see Jason today I might not but I think I need to see him sigh...yes I kinda miss em n such.") but yet, evedentally you don't need to enuf. hope you miss me when i'm gone. i'm getting tired of this.

and yes, i've only had about a 1/2" of margarita, so no, i'm not talking out of character right now.

7 p.m. i leave right after 7, call and leave a a text msg. call when i get half way there, still nothing. call when i get near, still nothing. call when passing house, nothing. leave another text. call again. leave another text call again. still nothing. so i go home at 9. tearing down a dirt road. mud's everywhere, i'm just getting madder the longer i drive. i don't know what i'm doing, or why i did it. this isn't the first time. make time for all your other friends, and blame me cause i don' shield you from them. the only time you wanted me ot come over is when you thought things were over. sad.

so anyways. you're prob in tears now. you're prob even more pissed at me then i am. i'm sorry, but the truth hurts. you aren't who i first met. i met someone who told the truth however harsh it was. i've heard little of this truth since being with you. i dunno. you tried to hold me by saying "nobody can handle the pressure, you'll leave like everyone else" and you have said before "i knew you'd leave like everyone else" but that's gd wrong. almost as wrong as saying "if you love me you'll do this:" i hate that phrase too. tho, you've never said it, i jsut hate that phrase. so i'm sorry you're reading this and thinking wahtever, but, this is what's on my mind, and, since we can't seem to find time for each other, then, well, i guess i had to write this here. i'll read your journal in the morn and see what you have to say....

otherwise, today was a peaceful slow day at work! it went well until 7! lol :)