Thursday, June 30, 2005
what i had last night :P
Melonball
Ingredients:
* 2 oz Midori melon liqueur
* 1 oz Vodka
* Pineapple juice
Mixing instructions:
Fill tall glass with ice. Pour in Melon Liqueur and Vodka. Fill glass with juice. Orange juice may also be used.
Buttery Nipple
Ingredients:
* 1/2 shot Butterscotch schnapps
* 1/2 shot Bailey's irish cream
Mixing instructions:
The Butterscotch Schnapps makes up the bottom layer. The top layer of Baileys should be added using a spoon. This is a layered shot. Delicious!!
Long Island Tea
Ingredients:
* 1/2 oz Vodka
* 1/2 oz Light rum
* 1/2 oz Gin
* 1/2 oz Tequila
* Juice of 1/2 Lemon
* 1 splash Coca-Cola
Mixing instructions:
Combine all ingredients (except cola) and pour over ice in a highball glass. Add the splash of cola for color. Decorate with a slice of lemon and serve.
hrm. had 4 buttery nipples at home. 1.5 shots of vodka in my poweraid. large long island. buttery nipple. another long island. another buttery nipple. melon ball. bed. :)
ok i need to add some more im' not done
brad finally quit again. well, 2 week notice. or 4 week. or something, i was confused.
i never did look into more jobs myself. i got lazy. well, not really. i got talked out of it. the best idea i had all day, er, well, all week/month was to start persuing this webdesign idea like i've been thinking about. but instead of saying "i wish.." i thougt of an idea that might just work. i'm going to make a template. get the names and occupation of say all these small buisnesses on a road. then insert the info into this template. then propose a website to them, for say $200. and have more "extras" for them to buy, like domain names and email and stuff. and setting up email, etc. if i use the same template for all the buisnesses, then there's little work involved. and if someone is really interested, i can do something unique for them (for more money) :) this is the best idea i've had all month as for jobs... if i could say find 4 buisnesses a week that could take me up on my offer, of say $200 each. that's $800 a week. 16 buisnesses a month. tha'ts $3200 a month. and if i coudl get some updates out of them (cause, they wouldn't want old info on a website, right?) then say $50 a month for updates? update 16x websites at $50 each, tha'ts a steady income of $800 a month too. and that is if i only do $50/m. right now i get paid about $2250 a month, before taxes. if i did websites at $50/m that's like 45 websites. that's too much. but for a side job, i think this could be good money. and once i build a reputation, then i coudl charge more. (and 45 websites would have generated $9k in sales, too) but then again. if i quit my dayjob. if i did 2 updates per website a month. that means 90 updates per month. 10 websites a day, work 9 days this month. then rest :) does it really sound THAT bad? i don't think so... and 10 websites a day woudl be a breeze. if each was knocked out in say 30 mins each. that's 5h a day working. at day or night, whenever i felt liek it. work 9 days of 5h. taht's a 45h workmonth. i'm working 50h a week right now. yea, 45 websites don't sound that bad now.....
wow i ramble and think sooo off track and feel better and i KNOW i have bad spelling. :)
oh yea, my camera's pissing me off. i'm about to take this shit apart :) heh (every now and then the screen turns black, like i have the lens cap on) oh! my ND8x lens came in! hahah, 1/8th the light passes through it. that means instead of 1/125 shutter pics, i take 1/30. which means greener greens. blueer blues. more contrast. etc. nice :) i'll post pics soon(er or later) :)
brad finally quit again. well, 2 week notice. or 4 week. or something, i was confused.
i never did look into more jobs myself. i got lazy. well, not really. i got talked out of it. the best idea i had all day, er, well, all week/month was to start persuing this webdesign idea like i've been thinking about. but instead of saying "i wish.." i thougt of an idea that might just work. i'm going to make a template. get the names and occupation of say all these small buisnesses on a road. then insert the info into this template. then propose a website to them, for say $200. and have more "extras" for them to buy, like domain names and email and stuff. and setting up email, etc. if i use the same template for all the buisnesses, then there's little work involved. and if someone is really interested, i can do something unique for them (for more money) :) this is the best idea i've had all month as for jobs... if i could say find 4 buisnesses a week that could take me up on my offer, of say $200 each. that's $800 a week. 16 buisnesses a month. tha'ts $3200 a month. and if i coudl get some updates out of them (cause, they wouldn't want old info on a website, right?) then say $50 a month for updates? update 16x websites at $50 each, tha'ts a steady income of $800 a month too. and that is if i only do $50/m. right now i get paid about $2250 a month, before taxes. if i did websites at $50/m that's like 45 websites. that's too much. but for a side job, i think this could be good money. and once i build a reputation, then i coudl charge more. (and 45 websites would have generated $9k in sales, too) but then again. if i quit my dayjob. if i did 2 updates per website a month. that means 90 updates per month. 10 websites a day, work 9 days this month. then rest :) does it really sound THAT bad? i don't think so... and 10 websites a day woudl be a breeze. if each was knocked out in say 30 mins each. that's 5h a day working. at day or night, whenever i felt liek it. work 9 days of 5h. taht's a 45h workmonth. i'm working 50h a week right now. yea, 45 websites don't sound that bad now.....
wow i ramble and think sooo off track and feel better and i KNOW i have bad spelling. :)
oh yea, my camera's pissing me off. i'm about to take this shit apart :) heh (every now and then the screen turns black, like i have the lens cap on) oh! my ND8x lens came in! hahah, 1/8th the light passes through it. that means instead of 1/125 shutter pics, i take 1/30. which means greener greens. blueer blues. more contrast. etc. nice :) i'll post pics soon(er or later) :)
so ok, 'im getting confused now and argivated...
first of all, this chicken i cooked, well, the big thick meaty piece of chicken didn't cook all the way... hope i don't get sick :(
2nd this storm has fucked verizon up. i can't check my voicemail. and when i call my phone it says "all circuits busy" bastards.
and 3rd crystal came on and apologized. i felt ALOT better. as in everything that was bottled up just got released. that instantly, that easily. she asked why i wasn't going to see her during the lan, after all, we met at a lan.... well, i just feel like i know i'm going to be playing my games, that's the idea of the lan, and if you aren't playing with us, then you're prob going to be bored off your ass. yes, i know you said you're perfectly fine with it, but i just didn't see it right to have you here, but spend very very litle time together. taht's all.
but before i could say much she puts up an away msg and is gone :(
first of all, this chicken i cooked, well, the big thick meaty piece of chicken didn't cook all the way... hope i don't get sick :(
2nd this storm has fucked verizon up. i can't check my voicemail. and when i call my phone it says "all circuits busy" bastards.
and 3rd crystal came on and apologized. i felt ALOT better. as in everything that was bottled up just got released. that instantly, that easily. she asked why i wasn't going to see her during the lan, after all, we met at a lan.... well, i just feel like i know i'm going to be playing my games, that's the idea of the lan, and if you aren't playing with us, then you're prob going to be bored off your ass. yes, i know you said you're perfectly fine with it, but i just didn't see it right to have you here, but spend very very litle time together. taht's all.
but before i could say much she puts up an away msg and is gone :(
omg this pisses me off
i leave work today. generaly ok day. i'm chatting with crystal. "want me to come over?" "i'll think about it" that's about all i find out. then i get home and the power is out. it finally came back on about 25 or so mins ago. i get online and read this on her journal:
so now i'm pissed. i called last night "what you doing? wanna hang out?" "eh, i dunno, i dun think so" "ok, well, i'm going to go play pool with friends then" "ok you should do that." so i go. and yes, i intended on drinking. and i did :) 4 buttery nipples, 1.5 shots of vodka, a large long island iced tea, 2 more buttery nipples, a small long island, then a melon ball. i was quite wasted. i'm still text'ing crystal throughout the night and on the way home. i tell her i'm going to call and she said "no don't" now i get on here and she says i was supposed to call but didn't. and if i did then she woudln't answer. but since i didn't talk to her she's pissed. real fucking nice. i hate fuckign drama. i think i've already had to deal with too much over the past few years. and i just now find out on here that she really doens't want to do anything. but has she told me yet? no. and the lan party is this weekend. so i'm sorry baby, maybe i'll get to see you next week. unless you want to be lazy then maybe not then. do'nt keep fucking playing wiht me like i'm a gd doll. i have a life, and i have feelings too.
Last night Jason was supposed to call...he decided to get drunk so I got pissed refused to let him call or answer if he did and then he was like ok I am goin to sleep so it was dumb I was angry and now today he wants to hang. I am so lazy I may just wait and hang with him tomorrow maybe then I will feel like gettin off my ass.
so now i'm pissed. i called last night "what you doing? wanna hang out?" "eh, i dunno, i dun think so" "ok, well, i'm going to go play pool with friends then" "ok you should do that." so i go. and yes, i intended on drinking. and i did :) 4 buttery nipples, 1.5 shots of vodka, a large long island iced tea, 2 more buttery nipples, a small long island, then a melon ball. i was quite wasted. i'm still text'ing crystal throughout the night and on the way home. i tell her i'm going to call and she said "no don't" now i get on here and she says i was supposed to call but didn't. and if i did then she woudln't answer. but since i didn't talk to her she's pissed. real fucking nice. i hate fuckign drama. i think i've already had to deal with too much over the past few years. and i just now find out on here that she really doens't want to do anything. but has she told me yet? no. and the lan party is this weekend. so i'm sorry baby, maybe i'll get to see you next week. unless you want to be lazy then maybe not then. do'nt keep fucking playing wiht me like i'm a gd doll. i have a life, and i have feelings too.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Yea! i dun have to
Yea! i dun have to work sat! remember lan party this weekend!
<-- this above comment was sent via my cell phone, as a text msg :o
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
well that was fun - i haven't long got back from my sister's house. it was fun. the drive back i pretty much did the speed limit (<5 over is the speed limit :P ) it took around 1-1.25h to get to union city, and about an hour to get from union city to my house, going 138... not too shabby.
i made myself think i was gonna be so far away, gone for so long, but in actuallity, i left after lunch yesterday, stopped by crystal's house; hung our fer an hour or so then went on down. that's 3:30 or later getting there, and i left at like 7:30 today. a day and 4h but yet it feels like i was gone 5 days.... interesting.
i was really really impressed by what my sister was talking about her and reagan do, like going on trips and stuff at random; i envy her so bad for that. but the twist is that we never did anything liek that growing up. we sorta did when we were little, but we never really went anywhere once i got to middle school or older. she was saying some saturdays they wake up and say "lets goto the mountains" and they go. sometimes they camp, sometimes they find a motel. but i was "omg, that is badass." i wish i could teach myself to do that. it's so hard tho. the advantage they have is they spend all their time with each other, when they aren't working or something. she said she gets up and goes to work hours before he gets up, and he works hours past when she gets off... but then say saturday morn they wake up together and just go. i envy her so bad for that. and i don't think this is a bad envy. it's an envy that i can help shape myself by.
hrm. i hade to quasadia's for supper. i still hongray. i think i may go find some mo' food. i had a chicken craving, but that shit takes too much work, heh. awe, i ate my last gummy dino :( but i got ice cream in there :P hrm...
g'bye ya'll (i ain't going to bed yet) :P
i made myself think i was gonna be so far away, gone for so long, but in actuallity, i left after lunch yesterday, stopped by crystal's house; hung our fer an hour or so then went on down. that's 3:30 or later getting there, and i left at like 7:30 today. a day and 4h but yet it feels like i was gone 5 days.... interesting.
i was really really impressed by what my sister was talking about her and reagan do, like going on trips and stuff at random; i envy her so bad for that. but the twist is that we never did anything liek that growing up. we sorta did when we were little, but we never really went anywhere once i got to middle school or older. she was saying some saturdays they wake up and say "lets goto the mountains" and they go. sometimes they camp, sometimes they find a motel. but i was "omg, that is badass." i wish i could teach myself to do that. it's so hard tho. the advantage they have is they spend all their time with each other, when they aren't working or something. she said she gets up and goes to work hours before he gets up, and he works hours past when she gets off... but then say saturday morn they wake up together and just go. i envy her so bad for that. and i don't think this is a bad envy. it's an envy that i can help shape myself by.
hrm. i hade to quasadia's for supper. i still hongray. i think i may go find some mo' food. i had a chicken craving, but that shit takes too much work, heh. awe, i ate my last gummy dino :( but i got ice cream in there :P hrm...
g'bye ya'll (i ain't going to bed yet) :P
hey, i'm down in columbus ga at my sis's house, it's fun. i haven't been down here in over a year, closer to 2 yrs. we drove around and i took a ton of pics (like 170 or so) and i still gonna take a few more come tommorrow (well, being 1:52 it IS tommorrow, but whatever).
the drive down was a breeze - last time i left work at 7 and rushed down on fri night and the drive was pure agony. i was going about as fast as i felt i could get away with and i when i finally got there, it was dead tired of driving. but this time, it was alot easier. i actually left mcdonough, drove up 75 to hwy 138, then followed it to union city, where i picked up 85. then i put the cruise on about 3-5 over speedlimit and when i got here i was ready to go - no stress! well, being my 4th day of vacation, plus the 2 day weekend helps too :P but yea, so far so fun.
i went and hung out with crystal today. that was really fun. i was glad i went to see her. too bad i couldn't have stayed longer :( i only stayed like less than an hour? an hour? eh, i konw i saw most of at least 2 tv shows, so it was at least almost an hour. but it felt like 10 mins :( i knew i woudln't be able to stay long if i was going to continue on to columbus, but i wanted to see her before i left (even if i was only going to be gone for a day...) but none the less it was fun.
hrm. i was scrolling through yahoo IM history today. it was interesting. only like a dozen to 15 differetn ppl have IM'ed me... a third of them only had like 1 short convo or something, some were spam... another 1/3rd had a few short convo, or 1 long and no more... the last 1/3rd i talk to regulary. it was interesting to see some of my convo's from earlier this month, earlier this year, and back to sept and oct of last year :P some were depressing, like the same ppl bitching at me, others were kinda nice, to see how others care.
maybe this is one reason i like IM'ing or emailing ppl. words are solid. they can't be denyed if you have a copy. it's easy to save a convo or email or IM history. it's not easy to walk aroudn with a voice recorder. and words can have different meaning when they're said differently. online, you either are vauge and maybe be misinterperted, or you're clear and everyone knows what you're talking about. i like that. if someone says they like you or they hate you, it's not "i didn't say that" cause you can say "uh-huh on 9:34 on 3/11/05 you said..... (<-- btw that was a made up date and time - nothign happened then)
i told crystal the other night and today taht i loved her. she said she didn't think i did. why'd i say it? cause it's true. yes, we haven't known each other that long. yes, i did not too long get out of another relationship. but oh well. why not say waht i've been thinking all month? why not say what seems to be pretty obvious. i did. so yes, i'm saying it again - i love you crystal.
hrm... it's 2 a.m. so i think i'm going to bed. tommorow's gonna be a bitch to goto bed and/or wake up for wednesday... but oh well. g'night beautiful world. BAMN! ;P
the drive down was a breeze - last time i left work at 7 and rushed down on fri night and the drive was pure agony. i was going about as fast as i felt i could get away with and i when i finally got there, it was dead tired of driving. but this time, it was alot easier. i actually left mcdonough, drove up 75 to hwy 138, then followed it to union city, where i picked up 85. then i put the cruise on about 3-5 over speedlimit and when i got here i was ready to go - no stress! well, being my 4th day of vacation, plus the 2 day weekend helps too :P but yea, so far so fun.
i went and hung out with crystal today. that was really fun. i was glad i went to see her. too bad i couldn't have stayed longer :( i only stayed like less than an hour? an hour? eh, i konw i saw most of at least 2 tv shows, so it was at least almost an hour. but it felt like 10 mins :( i knew i woudln't be able to stay long if i was going to continue on to columbus, but i wanted to see her before i left (even if i was only going to be gone for a day...) but none the less it was fun.
hrm. i was scrolling through yahoo IM history today. it was interesting. only like a dozen to 15 differetn ppl have IM'ed me... a third of them only had like 1 short convo or something, some were spam... another 1/3rd had a few short convo, or 1 long and no more... the last 1/3rd i talk to regulary. it was interesting to see some of my convo's from earlier this month, earlier this year, and back to sept and oct of last year :P some were depressing, like the same ppl bitching at me, others were kinda nice, to see how others care.
maybe this is one reason i like IM'ing or emailing ppl. words are solid. they can't be denyed if you have a copy. it's easy to save a convo or email or IM history. it's not easy to walk aroudn with a voice recorder. and words can have different meaning when they're said differently. online, you either are vauge and maybe be misinterperted, or you're clear and everyone knows what you're talking about. i like that. if someone says they like you or they hate you, it's not "i didn't say that" cause you can say "uh-huh on 9:34 on 3/11/05 you said..... (<-- btw that was a made up date and time - nothign happened then)
i told crystal the other night and today taht i loved her. she said she didn't think i did. why'd i say it? cause it's true. yes, we haven't known each other that long. yes, i did not too long get out of another relationship. but oh well. why not say waht i've been thinking all month? why not say what seems to be pretty obvious. i did. so yes, i'm saying it again - i love you crystal.
hrm... it's 2 a.m. so i think i'm going to bed. tommorow's gonna be a bitch to goto bed and/or wake up for wednesday... but oh well. g'night beautiful world. BAMN! ;P
Sunday, June 26, 2005
my nightmare non working POS pc dream?
www.gamepc.com has a configurator. nice pc specs, but too bad it prob woudln't boot. i mean, 2 procs on a single proc board? 8 sticks of memory? 4 scsi cables and 8 hard drives? no ide cables and 3 dvd burners and 3 dvd roms? yea, i tried to just max the price out. i want a lan of these pcs! heh
2 x AMD Athlon64 FX-55 (2.6 GHz) Retail - $1,840.00
2 x Coolermaster Aquagate Mini R120 Water Cooling System Retail - $250.00
1 x Asus A8N-SLI Premium nVidia nForce4 SLI Retail - $215.00
8 x Corsair XMS PC-3200 2 GB DDR SDRAM TwinX Pack - $2,384.00
8 x Seagate Cheetah X15.4 73GB 15,000 RPM SCA OEM - $4,784.00
4 x Vantec 50 Inch Clear Rounded 68-pin SCSI Cable Retail - $224.00
4 x Supermicro CSE-M35SB Black Hot-Swap Drive Bay - $820.00
2 x Adaptec 2200S Ultra320 SCSI RAID Retail - $1,470.00
1 x Mitsumi 1.44 MB Black Floppy Drive OEM - $20.00
3 x Plextor PX-716SA SATA/150 DVD ± RW / CD-RW Retail - $450.00
3 x Teac 8x Slim DVD-ROM for Rackmount OEM - $240.00
2 x PNY QuadroFX 4400 PCIe 512MB OEM - $4,100.00
1 x Arctic Cooling ATI Silencer 5 Rev. 2 Graphics Card Cooler Retail - $38.00
1 x Creative Sound Blaster Audigy4 Pro Retail - $286.00
1 x Creative GigaWorks S750 7.1 Speakers OEM - $445.00
1 x Adaptec FireConnect 8300 Firewire 800 Kit Retail - $78.00
1 x Hauppauge WinTV-PVR 350 Single TV Tuner Retail - $218.00
1 x Creative 5633 Modem Blaster v.92 56K OEM - $30.00
1 x 3Com 3C996B-T Gigabit Ethernet Network Card OEM - $138.00
1 x D-Link DGS-1008T Eight Port Gigabit Switch OEM - $365.00
1 x Chenbro RM312-SCSI 3U Rackmount w/ 650W Redundant PSU - $1,210.00
1 x Enermax EPS12V-Series 660W PSU (Opteron/Xeon) - $255.00
7 x Enermax UC-8FAB-B 80mm Quiet Case Fan Retail - $98.00
4 x GamePC Noise Reduction and Cooling Kit (Stage Three) - $480.00
2 x Samsung 323-T Black 32" Widescreen LCD Flat Screen - $4,580.00
1 x Logitech DiNovo BlueTooth Cordless Media Desktop Retail - $185.00
1 x Logitech MX900 Optical Bluetooth Cordless Mouse Retail - $99.00
1 x USB 2.0 4 GB Portable Flash Memory Storage Retail - $329.00
1 x APC Back-UPS RS 1500VA Retail - $280.00
5 x Shuttle PF40 XPC Travel Bag - $175.00
1 x Microsoft Windows Server 2003 Standard Edition OEM - $750.00
1 x Microsoft Office 2003 Professional Edition OEM - $380.00
1 x Include a GamePC Data Recovery DVD + Norton AntiVirus 2005 - $130.00
1 x Super Extended 3 Year Parts and 3 Years Labor Warranty - $2,753.00
1 x Assembly, Benchmarks, Burn-In and Drivers by GamePC - $180.00
Subtotal Price (Excludes Discounts, Taxes or Shipping) - $30,279.00
2 x AMD Athlon64 FX-55 (2.6 GHz) Retail - $1,840.00
2 x Coolermaster Aquagate Mini R120 Water Cooling System Retail - $250.00
1 x Asus A8N-SLI Premium nVidia nForce4 SLI Retail - $215.00
8 x Corsair XMS PC-3200 2 GB DDR SDRAM TwinX Pack - $2,384.00
8 x Seagate Cheetah X15.4 73GB 15,000 RPM SCA OEM - $4,784.00
4 x Vantec 50 Inch Clear Rounded 68-pin SCSI Cable Retail - $224.00
4 x Supermicro CSE-M35SB Black Hot-Swap Drive Bay - $820.00
2 x Adaptec 2200S Ultra320 SCSI RAID Retail - $1,470.00
1 x Mitsumi 1.44 MB Black Floppy Drive OEM - $20.00
3 x Plextor PX-716SA SATA/150 DVD ± RW / CD-RW Retail - $450.00
3 x Teac 8x Slim DVD-ROM for Rackmount OEM - $240.00
2 x PNY QuadroFX 4400 PCIe 512MB OEM - $4,100.00
1 x Arctic Cooling ATI Silencer 5 Rev. 2 Graphics Card Cooler Retail - $38.00
1 x Creative Sound Blaster Audigy4 Pro Retail - $286.00
1 x Creative GigaWorks S750 7.1 Speakers OEM - $445.00
1 x Adaptec FireConnect 8300 Firewire 800 Kit Retail - $78.00
1 x Hauppauge WinTV-PVR 350 Single TV Tuner Retail - $218.00
1 x Creative 5633 Modem Blaster v.92 56K OEM - $30.00
1 x 3Com 3C996B-T Gigabit Ethernet Network Card OEM - $138.00
1 x D-Link DGS-1008T Eight Port Gigabit Switch OEM - $365.00
1 x Chenbro RM312-SCSI 3U Rackmount w/ 650W Redundant PSU - $1,210.00
1 x Enermax EPS12V-Series 660W PSU (Opteron/Xeon) - $255.00
7 x Enermax UC-8FAB-B 80mm Quiet Case Fan Retail - $98.00
4 x GamePC Noise Reduction and Cooling Kit (Stage Three) - $480.00
2 x Samsung 323-T Black 32" Widescreen LCD Flat Screen - $4,580.00
1 x Logitech DiNovo BlueTooth Cordless Media Desktop Retail - $185.00
1 x Logitech MX900 Optical Bluetooth Cordless Mouse Retail - $99.00
1 x USB 2.0 4 GB Portable Flash Memory Storage Retail - $329.00
1 x APC Back-UPS RS 1500VA Retail - $280.00
5 x Shuttle PF40 XPC Travel Bag - $175.00
1 x Microsoft Windows Server 2003 Standard Edition OEM - $750.00
1 x Microsoft Office 2003 Professional Edition OEM - $380.00
1 x Include a GamePC Data Recovery DVD + Norton AntiVirus 2005 - $130.00
1 x Super Extended 3 Year Parts and 3 Years Labor Warranty - $2,753.00
1 x Assembly, Benchmarks, Burn-In and Drivers by GamePC - $180.00
Subtotal Price (Excludes Discounts, Taxes or Shipping) - $30,279.00
wow. i knew i liked taking pics, but i didn't know just how many i took til i looked a few mins ago... my camera was a floor model, so it was used in demonstations and such, so when i got it it was at pic 1815. i just took a pic a few mins ago, which is now at 8506. (the pics just keep adding up and growing.) that means i've taken 6692 pictures since March 22, 2004. (well, the date when i got it was a day off - fast or slow, i forget). but none the less, right at 15 months old, and 6692 pictures, is an avg of like 446 pics a month, and 14.8ish a day. hot gd!
hmmm. what has happend since i last wrote in here with any thought.... hmmm... well, i'm on vacation (has been since wednesday, except i filled in for brad for 2h on thursday...) i'm really really enjoying it. i haven't gone anywhere except local, but omg it is great. i'm getting yard work done that i haven't even thought i'd be able to accomplish. i'm enjoying some of the smaller things i've not been able to do in a while. it's clearing my head up of alot of small things that have been bothering me. it's great. i've been in a huge need of this now for a while.
i was quick to jump to conclusions today, and it almost could have gotton me screwed. today i got mad at crystal cause i thougth she was toying with me, trying to make me mad [maybe because she was mad with me for some reason?] , when she wasn't, so i apolgize :( i'm sorry. i shouldn't have done that but i did. she kept leaving rather abruptly, which i was interpreting as "i'm mad at you because of something you don't know about" or something i dunno :( like i say, i jumped to conclusions, cause none of that was tru. :'( again, i'm sorry crystal.
mmm... drinking the last of this half gal of sweet tea :P
urm. me and chris went to fry's friday. he got alot of pc stuff, i just got... some more blank dvds and a power supply. i've been wanting a good power supply for a while now. so i finally got one. and i got the dvd's cause, well, a 25 spindle was $5 :P lol. chris installed his stuff, and hooked up another spare hard drive, it booted twice, then gave the BSOD UNMOUNTABLE_BOOT_VOLUME or some bs like that. so we had to run chkdsk /r to fix it. so now it works again. he thinks he's cursed, everytime he does something (like upgrade it) his pc freaks out on him, heh. but so far he's yet to lock up or freeze (that was the idea of the power supply and video card cooler he got, to fix those problems).
i'm getting alot of yard work done. yesterday on the way back from frys we stopped by home depot and got 6 bales of pinestraw. the goobers there i swear can't do math. i had read online, that, depending on how thick you spread the pinestraw, you could get 50-60 square feet out of a bale of pinestraw. so i played dumb and asked the home depot "expert", "so how much will 1 bale cover?" and he tells me that the bale is approx 1' x 1' by 2', so it's 2 cubic feet. so i ask him again "so how many square feet will 1 bale cover?" he said 2. i said "urm, no. 1' deep? yes, but i'm not doing it 1' deep...." he's like "oh yea. how deep are you going to spread it?" so i reply something to the nature of "will i want to cover 1000 square feet with 1 to 2 inches". he takes a moment and says "you'll need aprox 100 bales." i laughed and said no. he's liek "oh wait, no, you'll need approx 50." i chuckeled again and said "um, no. i read 50-60 square feet." he's liek "well, it depends on how thin you spread it..." so i said "give me 6 bales to start with, when i see how far this goes, i'll come back." guess what. 6 bales damn near covered everything i wanted in the front yard. 2 more bales would have covered the muddy hill to where the sod ends. i may get 8 bales more later (maybe tommorrow?) to finish covering the hill. i had estimated approx 17 bales, and so when he told me 100, then 50, both times i knew he was crazy. fu home depot :)
today me and chris went to kroger for food. i had more food than i thougth i had (i only figured this out when i got back and realized "damn, i already had this.. and this.. and this.. gd it" lol) now our freezer is PACKED heh, and the cubbards aren't bare. and hopefully we got enuf food to last a few weeks :-\ after all, i spent like $78 and he spent like $74.... that's alot of food. actually, i got enuf lunch for a good week, week and a half, and enuf supper for 1-2 weeks. and i fix some of the finer things i have, i'll have another gah weeks worth of food, tho, that stuff requres work (like spagetti). oh well.
urm. hey i just noticed the dog's not barking anymore. some neighbor was playing loud country music, and the dog's been barking for like 4 hours now... well, i dun know when he started ot stopped, but it's prob been at least 4 hours.. was it daylight when he started? who knows.
my shoulders hurt :( they feel burnt again. i got sunburned washing the truck shirtless from.... thurday? yea. no. wednesday? who knows... (yes, thursday :P) then today spreading the pinestraw i was shirtless again. maybe i won't have a farmer's tan anymore :P this tan arms but WHITE chest and back makes me feel even geekier. w00t! :)
hrm, how to end this on a good note, lets see.... well, everything is going realy well, i don't think anybody's mad at me, nobody that i know of has any beefs with me, i'm not hurt, i'm not starving, i'm just... happy :) happiest i've been in a while. thanks world :) now g'night. BAMN! i dead. heh j/k :P
hmmm. what has happend since i last wrote in here with any thought.... hmmm... well, i'm on vacation (has been since wednesday, except i filled in for brad for 2h on thursday...) i'm really really enjoying it. i haven't gone anywhere except local, but omg it is great. i'm getting yard work done that i haven't even thought i'd be able to accomplish. i'm enjoying some of the smaller things i've not been able to do in a while. it's clearing my head up of alot of small things that have been bothering me. it's great. i've been in a huge need of this now for a while.
i was quick to jump to conclusions today, and it almost could have gotton me screwed. today i got mad at crystal cause i thougth she was toying with me, trying to make me mad [maybe because she was mad with me for some reason?] , when she wasn't, so i apolgize :( i'm sorry. i shouldn't have done that but i did. she kept leaving rather abruptly, which i was interpreting as "i'm mad at you because of something you don't know about" or something i dunno :( like i say, i jumped to conclusions, cause none of that was tru. :'( again, i'm sorry crystal.
mmm... drinking the last of this half gal of sweet tea :P
urm. me and chris went to fry's friday. he got alot of pc stuff, i just got... some more blank dvds and a power supply. i've been wanting a good power supply for a while now. so i finally got one. and i got the dvd's cause, well, a 25 spindle was $5 :P lol. chris installed his stuff, and hooked up another spare hard drive, it booted twice, then gave the BSOD UNMOUNTABLE_BOOT_VOLUME or some bs like that. so we had to run chkdsk /r to fix it. so now it works again. he thinks he's cursed, everytime he does something (like upgrade it) his pc freaks out on him, heh. but so far he's yet to lock up or freeze (that was the idea of the power supply and video card cooler he got, to fix those problems).
i'm getting alot of yard work done. yesterday on the way back from frys we stopped by home depot and got 6 bales of pinestraw. the goobers there i swear can't do math. i had read online, that, depending on how thick you spread the pinestraw, you could get 50-60 square feet out of a bale of pinestraw. so i played dumb and asked the home depot "expert", "so how much will 1 bale cover?" and he tells me that the bale is approx 1' x 1' by 2', so it's 2 cubic feet. so i ask him again "so how many square feet will 1 bale cover?" he said 2. i said "urm, no. 1' deep? yes, but i'm not doing it 1' deep...." he's like "oh yea. how deep are you going to spread it?" so i reply something to the nature of "will i want to cover 1000 square feet with 1 to 2 inches". he takes a moment and says "you'll need aprox 100 bales." i laughed and said no. he's liek "oh wait, no, you'll need approx 50." i chuckeled again and said "um, no. i read 50-60 square feet." he's liek "well, it depends on how thin you spread it..." so i said "give me 6 bales to start with, when i see how far this goes, i'll come back." guess what. 6 bales damn near covered everything i wanted in the front yard. 2 more bales would have covered the muddy hill to where the sod ends. i may get 8 bales more later (maybe tommorrow?) to finish covering the hill. i had estimated approx 17 bales, and so when he told me 100, then 50, both times i knew he was crazy. fu home depot :)
today me and chris went to kroger for food. i had more food than i thougth i had (i only figured this out when i got back and realized "damn, i already had this.. and this.. and this.. gd it" lol) now our freezer is PACKED heh, and the cubbards aren't bare. and hopefully we got enuf food to last a few weeks :-\ after all, i spent like $78 and he spent like $74.... that's alot of food. actually, i got enuf lunch for a good week, week and a half, and enuf supper for 1-2 weeks. and i fix some of the finer things i have, i'll have another gah weeks worth of food, tho, that stuff requres work (like spagetti). oh well.
urm. hey i just noticed the dog's not barking anymore. some neighbor was playing loud country music, and the dog's been barking for like 4 hours now... well, i dun know when he started ot stopped, but it's prob been at least 4 hours.. was it daylight when he started? who knows.
my shoulders hurt :( they feel burnt again. i got sunburned washing the truck shirtless from.... thurday? yea. no. wednesday? who knows... (yes, thursday :P) then today spreading the pinestraw i was shirtless again. maybe i won't have a farmer's tan anymore :P this tan arms but WHITE chest and back makes me feel even geekier. w00t! :)
hrm, how to end this on a good note, lets see.... well, everything is going realy well, i don't think anybody's mad at me, nobody that i know of has any beefs with me, i'm not hurt, i'm not starving, i'm just... happy :) happiest i've been in a while. thanks world :) now g'night. BAMN! i dead. heh j/k :P
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
Thursday, June 23, 2005
hrm... it's 1:05 and i still haven't heard from crystal... once i hear from her i plan to spend the rest of the day with her - right now i'm debating on wether or not to do anything else - i've already washed the truck, played with the dog, half assed washed the dog, took the trash out, bitched at the cat, and now i'm fixing some lunch (mac & cheese)
oh yea kroger still has these microwave dinners for $0.88 :P
if i do too much more then i'm gonna require a shower or i'll STANK heh. right now i'm still tollerable.
oh well
oh yea kroger still has these microwave dinners for $0.88 :P
if i do too much more then i'm gonna require a shower or i'll STANK heh. right now i'm still tollerable.
oh well
i took this quiz a long time ago. about 2 yrs, heh.
dunno where it came from, but it seemed interesting enuf.
| Your Results: |
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | Low |
| Schizoid: | High |
| Schizotypal: | Very High |
| Antisocial: | Moderate |
| Borderline: | Low |
| Histrionic: | Moderate |
| Narcissistic: | High |
| Avoidant: | High |
| Dependent: | Moderate |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | High |
dunno where it came from, but it seemed interesting enuf.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
its interesting how a kitten, as young and innocent as it is, has the natrual instint to guard itself against a dog; i tried to hold the kitten as the dog sat on the ground. even when the dog did nothign more than breat, that cat wanted NOTHING to do with the dog. one would have thought the cat would be curious, but not this one. full hissing and poofy fur, and the hissing didn't settle til a few mins later....
interesting.
well it's so far an eventful vacation already. brad's done called twice. first time he had to say how someone called who he thougth was a coworker, so he answers "WHAT" when it was a potential employer... oops? :) lol then the 2nd time was about a call that i started and i wanted him to finish.
i thought maybe this headache was lack of food. i'm now thinking it's cause i havne't had my coke today. taht shit is addicitive :)
i got outside and cut the grass on the hill behind the house. then i took the rake and started raking the sticks and leaves and rocks off the hill. right now there are so many sticks i can't hardly cut the grass (rather, it eats up the strink rather quickly). it does look alot cleaner now, tho. before teh day is up i'd like to go get some pinestraw, clean out the trucking insdie and out, and clean inside the house. it just got too hot outside :( also i need to goto the grocery store. i gots no food. just alcohol heh :)
i had a huge earthworm like puke mud all over me. interseting....
crystal is - i dun know what's going on with us. it's pretty confusing. i want to be with her, i really do. i just need a lil bit more time. i'm sorry if i'm taking too long but it's what i need.
well i'm no longer dripping sweat from working outside, and i ate some mac & cheese, with coke. chris should be getting here soon. i think i'll play some flat out then take a shower :)
interesting.
well it's so far an eventful vacation already. brad's done called twice. first time he had to say how someone called who he thougth was a coworker, so he answers "WHAT" when it was a potential employer... oops? :) lol then the 2nd time was about a call that i started and i wanted him to finish.
i thought maybe this headache was lack of food. i'm now thinking it's cause i havne't had my coke today. taht shit is addicitive :)
i got outside and cut the grass on the hill behind the house. then i took the rake and started raking the sticks and leaves and rocks off the hill. right now there are so many sticks i can't hardly cut the grass (rather, it eats up the strink rather quickly). it does look alot cleaner now, tho. before teh day is up i'd like to go get some pinestraw, clean out the trucking insdie and out, and clean inside the house. it just got too hot outside :( also i need to goto the grocery store. i gots no food. just alcohol heh :)
i had a huge earthworm like puke mud all over me. interseting....
crystal is - i dun know what's going on with us. it's pretty confusing. i want to be with her, i really do. i just need a lil bit more time. i'm sorry if i'm taking too long but it's what i need.
well i'm no longer dripping sweat from working outside, and i ate some mac & cheese, with coke. chris should be getting here soon. i think i'll play some flat out then take a shower :)
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Hah!
Beer
?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
you will die quietly in bed at an old age. have a
nice rest of your life.
How will you die?
brought to you by Quizilla
Hooligan Bear
Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are the tortured soul someone has stabbed you
in the back and you feel as if your heart if
full of nothing but cold blood
What are you? (10 different outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Kip Dynamite and you love technology.
Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla
In your eyes, people see life... You see yourself
as just an average person! You enjoy life, love
wildlife, but also enjoy time with those who
know you best. You like to get outdoors and let
your mind wander over all of the mysteries god
gave to you. You don't really have a certain
sanctuary because you're so well-rounded, but
you like having fun and adventures, but can
also be found sitting quietly about, reading a
book. You have a pretty good life ahead of you,
never trade it for anything else :)
What Lies Behind Your Eyes?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your Deadly Sins |
Gluttony: 80% |
Greed: 80% |
Sloth: 80% |
Lust: 60% |
Wrath: 60% |
Envy: 40% |
Pride: 40% |
Chance You'll Go to Hell: 63% |
You'll die from food poisoning - and then the natives will feast on your fatty limbs. |
| You Were Actually Born Under: |
 (Though you have been known to have a healthy appetite!) You are highly intelligent - forever studying and gaining knowledge. You have a heart of gold and you are appreciated by many. You are most compatible with a Rabbit or Goat. |
| You Should Have Been Born Under: |
 You are quick witted, charming, and bring luck to all who know you. A bit greedy, you tend to go after what you want - with success. Clever, you seek out knowledge... and eventually use what you know to your advantage. You are very loyal, and you treat your real friends like they are family. You are most compatible with a Dragon or Monkey. |
The Keys to Your Heart |
You are attracted to obedience and warmth. |
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. |
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. |
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. |
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. |
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
| Your Daddy Is Mike Tyson |
 What You Call Him: Dada Why You Love Him: Because he's your baby daddy |
Your Mexican Name Is... |
 |
| Your Sexy Brazilian Name Is |
 Rodolfo Mendes |
| Slow and Steady |
 They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it. |
Your Birthdate: August 27 |
Your birth on the 27th day of the month (9 energy) adds a tone of selflessness and humanitarianism to your life path. Certainly, you are one who can work very well with people, but at the same time you need a good bit of time to be by yourself to rest and meditate. There is a very humanistic and philanthropic approach in most of things that you do. This birthday helps you be broadminded, tolerant, generous and very cooperative. You are the type of person who uses persuasion rather than force to achieve your ends. You tend to be very sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you able to give much in the way of friendship without expecting a lot in return. |
Your Japanese Name Is... |
 |
Beer
?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
you will die quietly in bed at an old age. have a
nice rest of your life.
How will you die?
brought to you by Quizilla
Hooligan Bear
Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are the tortured soul someone has stabbed you
in the back and you feel as if your heart if
full of nothing but cold blood
What are you? (10 different outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Kip Dynamite and you love technology.
Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a maniac
killer.
It doesn't matter who they are and what they
have or haven't done. You still want to kill
them. And for a simple reason only; it's fun.
Seeing people in pain is like ecstasy. Maybe
you have some sort of mental problems or you
are this way because of previous deep scars,
only you know. But now you are sadistic and
maybe you only like to see a special group of
people be in pain (e.g. preps). However you are
not the most social person in the bunch and
people think you are weird. That bothers you
somewhat but atleast you can entertain yourself
with daydreaming about killing them. After all,
they have no idea what's coming.
Main weapon: Explosives and torture
equpiment
Quote: "Insanity: a perfect
rational adjustment to an insane world" -
R.D. Lang
Facial expression: Wicked smile
What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla
In your eyes, people see life... You see yourself
as just an average person! You enjoy life, love
wildlife, but also enjoy time with those who
know you best. You like to get outdoors and let
your mind wander over all of the mysteries god
gave to you. You don't really have a certain
sanctuary because you're so well-rounded, but
you like having fun and adventures, but can
also be found sitting quietly about, reading a
book. You have a pretty good life ahead of you,
never trade it for anything else :)
What Lies Behind Your Eyes?
brought to you by Quizilla
In 1983 (the year you were born) |
Ronald Reagan is president of the US Sally Ride becomes the first American woman to travel in space Marines are killed when a TNT laden suicide terrorists blows up Marine headquarters at Beirut International Airport US Marines and Rangers invade the island of Grenada and evacuate hundreds of US citizens The Soviets shoot down Korean Airlines flight 007 The Internet Domain Name System was invented by Paul Mockapetris Ronald Wilson Reagan signs a bill creating Martin Luther King Day Baltimore Orioles win the World Series Washington Redskins win Superbowl XVII New York Islanders win the Stanley Cup Return of the Jedi is the top grossing film "Every Breath You Take" by The Police spends the most time at the top of US charts The A-Team and Webster premiere |
Monday, June 20, 2005
wow, no new post since thursday - i'm slacking!
lets see. finished off that long island iced tea and made a blender drink lol. that was good. more i drank the better it tasted (sadly, it was half strenght - too much tequila and it would have made it nasty). only regret was i didn't spend the evening with crystal. it upset her that i was gettin' drunk and i wasn't with her. well, that make her look selfish, so lemme rephrase: i assumed i wasn't going to get to see her, so i killed the night with alcohol; then later found out when we said "spend the weekend together" it actually meant the weekend - i'm so sorry :(
saturday i ran some erronds, got some more networking hardware from home depot, paid some late bills.... went by the motorcycle shop. that place is nice... if i die i want to be surrounded by sport bikes :) but i wanna be able to ride them (or afford to ride them) :( oh well, i'll get a nice one one day. i otta get the one i have working first, but, oh well.
i finally got together with crystal sat night. i was pleasantly delighted to see her :) we seem to have our best conversations when wrapped up in each others arms, in the wee hours of the morning. oh i love every moment of it. it's amazing: a week ago, i thougth our relationship was hunkey dorey. a few days ago, i found it crashing down. now, it's stronger than ever. like i may have said before, I definately have feelings for her. something strong enought to make a move. strong enough for me to make some life changing decisions about love and career [tho the career move was enevitable]. strong enougth to make me feel some feelings that i didn't think i'd feel anytime soon, or as soon as they seem to be developing.
it took me months to say "i love you" to annie. it took me that long to finally experience that. i had never felt like that about anybody else. since that moment, i've looked back at old flames, and seen some of the same signs. but at the time i didn't know what they were, and sure didn't know how to respond. but now i know what it is like to love and to be loved. i say it took months to say that to finally realize what it was, and how i truely felt. i've said it to others back in early highschool, because "that's just what couples do." puppy love. now i don't say it unless i mean it. that's i guess why i'm slow to say it to just anybody. a number of people i know say it to everyone they know that they consider a friend. that would be very ackward for me, for, if i were to date someone like that, how would i know if they were trying to say i was a friend or more?
so yea, i think i may be in love. i'm saying that i can't tell, not because i dont feel anything, no - nothign like that. it's just that i've now only known her for about a month. i feel like "how i can i be in love so quickly?" also i'm afraid if i'm quick to say that and not truely mean it, then it'll dis-validate everythign else i say. so that's the reason i'm not saying it yet - i'm still sorting out my feelings. but i do feel the feeling very strongly.
geeze this blink 182 is getting old - i think this album has looped like 4x now lol
annie, i wanted to offer you the world and you couldn't handle it. i think where we are now is best. you needed to get your priorites in line, and i can't help you do that. i know what i want. you know most of what you want. you knew i could offer it to you, but you wern't ready to accept it. i'm glad to see that you've moved on, and i'm not saying this with anger or sarcasim or anything. i feel better now that you are dating. even if it is with dallas, that's stil fine. i can't say that i didn't see it coming, and so far, everyone agress with me on that statement....
gah i have this hangnail on the side of my index finger, and at the angle i'm typing i keep hitting it, and it's getting annoying as hell....
haha psycho kitty again :) tha little hunter - she's attacking a passing moth/bug thingy. but not after i've teased her for the last 5 mins with my laser pointer (that i just found a few days ago for the first time in years, lol)
yesterday i found one of my drawing pencils, so i may end up doodling something tonight. maybe. i dun know yet. maybe on my vacation i'll brush up on those skills :P if i have any skrizzels left :(
every time i've talked to annie on the phone, it's been so depressing. i'm happy to talk to her, and i don't want her to think that i don't care, but nothing's changed. we are where we are now for a reason - and every day the guilt and regret that i felt is dissapearing more and more. she almost seems to want to make me feel guilty for leaving her. i don't feel that i totally left her, for i was left cold with little place to go. we both made our choices, you're regretting yours; i still think this is best.
oh yea lol i noticed today i cut all my nails except one of my thumbnails :P
crystal: you said you were afarid i'd run back to annie. please belive me when i say i don't intend on doing the such. no, i don't regret anything i said to her, anything we did together, or the time we spent together - it was fun. but some of my needs couldn't be fufilled, with little hope for the future. but i see hope in you. i don't plan on leaving you anytime soon. we found each other during odd circumstances, and i don't plan to let go easily. things may work out, things may not. i don't ask "what if they don't?" for if i do, then i'm expecting them not to.
mmmm... caramel coyote ice cream.... "caramel flavored ice cream with thick caramel swirls and caramel-filled chocolate cups" mmmm.... good shit OH SHIT i got a blender i can make a nice thick milk shake now! hahahaha ok i'm too lazy for that i'll just keep eating it out of the carton like i'm already doing :P
lets see. i found out more about my family today. well, some history. it's amazing everytime i talk to my family, i seem to learn so much more about my past. like my grandfather's death i learned about today. i don't see it fit to talk about here, tho.
wow i've been living in this house for over 8 months already :o
i talked to a neighbor of my parent's today. he's been a car salesman for as long as i can remember. well, so i thougth. last i heard he was the manager that the salesmen goto when someone argues down a price. when i talked to him today, i found owt he's now selling mortages i think (i forget easily.) but i was glad to see him because i asked him, about the situation i'm in, and wether or not i should take a job selling pest contracts, life insurance, or anything else like cars or such. he kinda gave me a wide eyed look and shook his head slowly 'no'. said he had to sell cars for a few years and he didn't like it at all. said there was money to be made, but i'd be so much better off just trying to change job positions, rather than job markets. so now i dun know what i want to do. i did look tongith at some pc jobs in atlanta. some sound promising. most want alot more than i can offer (ccna, 10 yrs experience, etc). so i dunno :(
ok. this got long. but it's my whole extended weekend summed up in a post. w00t!
lets see. finished off that long island iced tea and made a blender drink lol. that was good. more i drank the better it tasted (sadly, it was half strenght - too much tequila and it would have made it nasty). only regret was i didn't spend the evening with crystal. it upset her that i was gettin' drunk and i wasn't with her. well, that make her look selfish, so lemme rephrase: i assumed i wasn't going to get to see her, so i killed the night with alcohol; then later found out when we said "spend the weekend together" it actually meant the weekend - i'm so sorry :(
saturday i ran some erronds, got some more networking hardware from home depot, paid some late bills.... went by the motorcycle shop. that place is nice... if i die i want to be surrounded by sport bikes :) but i wanna be able to ride them (or afford to ride them) :( oh well, i'll get a nice one one day. i otta get the one i have working first, but, oh well.
i finally got together with crystal sat night. i was pleasantly delighted to see her :) we seem to have our best conversations when wrapped up in each others arms, in the wee hours of the morning. oh i love every moment of it. it's amazing: a week ago, i thougth our relationship was hunkey dorey. a few days ago, i found it crashing down. now, it's stronger than ever. like i may have said before, I definately have feelings for her. something strong enought to make a move. strong enough for me to make some life changing decisions about love and career [tho the career move was enevitable]. strong enougth to make me feel some feelings that i didn't think i'd feel anytime soon, or as soon as they seem to be developing.
it took me months to say "i love you" to annie. it took me that long to finally experience that. i had never felt like that about anybody else. since that moment, i've looked back at old flames, and seen some of the same signs. but at the time i didn't know what they were, and sure didn't know how to respond. but now i know what it is like to love and to be loved. i say it took months to say that to finally realize what it was, and how i truely felt. i've said it to others back in early highschool, because "that's just what couples do." puppy love. now i don't say it unless i mean it. that's i guess why i'm slow to say it to just anybody. a number of people i know say it to everyone they know that they consider a friend. that would be very ackward for me, for, if i were to date someone like that, how would i know if they were trying to say i was a friend or more?
so yea, i think i may be in love. i'm saying that i can't tell, not because i dont feel anything, no - nothign like that. it's just that i've now only known her for about a month. i feel like "how i can i be in love so quickly?" also i'm afraid if i'm quick to say that and not truely mean it, then it'll dis-validate everythign else i say. so that's the reason i'm not saying it yet - i'm still sorting out my feelings. but i do feel the feeling very strongly.
geeze this blink 182 is getting old - i think this album has looped like 4x now lol
annie, i wanted to offer you the world and you couldn't handle it. i think where we are now is best. you needed to get your priorites in line, and i can't help you do that. i know what i want. you know most of what you want. you knew i could offer it to you, but you wern't ready to accept it. i'm glad to see that you've moved on, and i'm not saying this with anger or sarcasim or anything. i feel better now that you are dating. even if it is with dallas, that's stil fine. i can't say that i didn't see it coming, and so far, everyone agress with me on that statement....
gah i have this hangnail on the side of my index finger, and at the angle i'm typing i keep hitting it, and it's getting annoying as hell....
haha psycho kitty again :) tha little hunter - she's attacking a passing moth/bug thingy. but not after i've teased her for the last 5 mins with my laser pointer (that i just found a few days ago for the first time in years, lol)
yesterday i found one of my drawing pencils, so i may end up doodling something tonight. maybe. i dun know yet. maybe on my vacation i'll brush up on those skills :P if i have any skrizzels left :(
every time i've talked to annie on the phone, it's been so depressing. i'm happy to talk to her, and i don't want her to think that i don't care, but nothing's changed. we are where we are now for a reason - and every day the guilt and regret that i felt is dissapearing more and more. she almost seems to want to make me feel guilty for leaving her. i don't feel that i totally left her, for i was left cold with little place to go. we both made our choices, you're regretting yours; i still think this is best.
oh yea lol i noticed today i cut all my nails except one of my thumbnails :P
crystal: you said you were afarid i'd run back to annie. please belive me when i say i don't intend on doing the such. no, i don't regret anything i said to her, anything we did together, or the time we spent together - it was fun. but some of my needs couldn't be fufilled, with little hope for the future. but i see hope in you. i don't plan on leaving you anytime soon. we found each other during odd circumstances, and i don't plan to let go easily. things may work out, things may not. i don't ask "what if they don't?" for if i do, then i'm expecting them not to.
mmmm... caramel coyote ice cream.... "caramel flavored ice cream with thick caramel swirls and caramel-filled chocolate cups" mmmm.... good shit OH SHIT i got a blender i can make a nice thick milk shake now! hahahaha ok i'm too lazy for that i'll just keep eating it out of the carton like i'm already doing :P
lets see. i found out more about my family today. well, some history. it's amazing everytime i talk to my family, i seem to learn so much more about my past. like my grandfather's death i learned about today. i don't see it fit to talk about here, tho.
wow i've been living in this house for over 8 months already :o
i talked to a neighbor of my parent's today. he's been a car salesman for as long as i can remember. well, so i thougth. last i heard he was the manager that the salesmen goto when someone argues down a price. when i talked to him today, i found owt he's now selling mortages i think (i forget easily.) but i was glad to see him because i asked him, about the situation i'm in, and wether or not i should take a job selling pest contracts, life insurance, or anything else like cars or such. he kinda gave me a wide eyed look and shook his head slowly 'no'. said he had to sell cars for a few years and he didn't like it at all. said there was money to be made, but i'd be so much better off just trying to change job positions, rather than job markets. so now i dun know what i want to do. i did look tongith at some pc jobs in atlanta. some sound promising. most want alot more than i can offer (ccna, 10 yrs experience, etc). so i dunno :(
ok. this got long. but it's my whole extended weekend summed up in a post. w00t!
Sunday, June 19, 2005
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