aah, here one of them is:

"To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."
-Elbert Hubbard

Jon, this is for you: (wait, and brad. and dan. fuck, all of us)

Things Candidate Should NOT Say or Do at a Job Interview

• See photo of interviewer's family on desk, point, start laughing uncontrollably.


• Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say; "Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that."


• Constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt: "The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don't ya' think?"


• After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify with, "Of course I was totally hammered at the time."


• Inquire on office policy of friends staying over.


• Claim you wouldn't even need a sit-in' job if Al Einstein hadn't stolen your secret patent - for "2000 Flushes."


• Over-emphasize your ability to use a copier.


• Ask if it's O.K. if you sit on the floor.


• Allow that you would little impact on the overhead budget, because you swiped all the supplies from your other job.


• Although parking was free, insist that they validate something or you're not leaving.


• Mention your resume would have been stronger, but you didn't feel like making anything else up.


• Ask the secretary if she'll sit on your lap during interview.


• Walk into interviewer's office with a tape measure, measure office from a few angles, put away, declare; "NOW we can begin."


• When making small talk and the Simpson trial comes up, shout, "You mean Homer and Marge are in some kind of trouble?", and run out of the room.


• Sniff two of your fingers, then hold them out toward interviewer and say, "Smell these. They smell funny to you?"


• Upon walking in to the office for first time, ask the receptionist to hold all your calls.