i ask myself why. why did i think this would work. why was i such a FOOL to think that this could happen
i would've poured my heart out tonight. but instead my heart, my soul, everything that felt positive about "us" that i thought might could have worked got slammed against the wall, posioned, stabbed and stepped on. annie and scotty are dating. why was i such an idiot. i hope you have a good life. tonight i hurt too much. i'm proud of how well i composed myself when i left. i didn't screech tires, i didnd't throw any bitch. i just left. silently. :'(
i wouldn't doubt i'll get another ticket tonight. i'm going to ride my bike some to cool down. bbl.
::EDIT:: 12:45 PM
i did edit the red above, make the font a lil smaller, and changed the phrase "my work" to "might could have worked". it makes some more sense now heh. i was supprised (twice in 1 night? :) ) that i properly typed "i composed myself when i left" lol. big words jason! :P
i got on my bike. rode, eh, like normal through covington - 50 in a 45, 60 in a 55... very sanely... i really didn't want another ticket. hell, i was thinking if i did get pulled over, i'd prob ask the guy "hey, can you follow me home so i can drop off the bike, then, can you just take me into the jail for a few days? i think i'd be ALOT better off there then i woudl be wandering the streets.." but that never happened.
umm.. but yea, i drove to brad's house. started talking bout whatever. twas cool. he pulled his xr-80 dirtbike outta the garage and tried to get it to crank. he couldn't. i tried. i did :) lol the carb was dddddiiiiirrrrttttyyyy!! pulled it off, cleaned it, put it back together, did some adjusting, he rode it down the street, i did too, was ok. then we did wheelies in the backyard :) poor back yard. i know we were giving it hell, then brad decided to do a doughnut in the backyard. THAT ate his yard up. his momma's gonna rip him a new asshole when she sees that :P
umm... after all that i was ALOT more calmed down. the ride home was relitivly uneventful. other than my speedometer cable fell off at about 2 miles away from home - so i had 0 idea how fast i was going. oh well. 7k rpm 6th gear i think was 80ish :P go home reattached it, back to good.
oh yeah - thanks jon. your message really hit home with me. i noticed i had a voicemail at about 11 p.m. from 9:45. i dunno if i hoped or tought that it might be annie, but no. :( <-- (oh well, i'm now :-\ almost to :-D so don't worry) no but it was jon. basically said "hey, i saw your post - hope you don't hurt yourself. maybe you should just go home and drink... j/k be careful"... i was grinnin ear to ear when i heard that... thanks jon, that really helped me in my time of need. :D
um, ok, other than my damn dog barking... i think i'm all good. i think i may sleep better then i thought. well, i feared drinking myself to sleep and calling in sick tommorrow... but i've actualy not drank anything in.... 3.5 weeks? i think? yeah, so, i'm sorta seeing how long i'll hold out... tho this weekend i was invited to a party where they'll have a keg or 2 (tho beer is naaaaasty!!!) so i dunno what i'm gonna do then - maybe take advantage of the drunk chicks? ;-) hehehe ok have a g'night :D
5 comments:
I wish there was something I could say that can make this better for you. It takes alot to do what you did though. This is something very difficult to go through and I'm very sorry you're having to experience it. Just know that you don't have to go through it alone, you can always call me or IM me if you want or need to talk. I know in my state, I may not be able to help, but it'll give some assistance in knowing you're not alone. *hug*
I'm glad you felt a little better after screwin around and doing wheelies, but if more relief is needed, we can blow some shit up at work tomorrow for fun :)
I told mom we tore up the yard doing wheelies on the bike, and she said "in our lovely backyard" really sarcastically... :D no big deal... MORE WHEELIES!
I wish there was something I could do to help. :-/
Jon is right though. There are plenty of fish in the sea, fish meaning girls and sea meaning the world ;-p
My experience in finding girlfriends is they always come to you when you arent looking for them. So when you stop looking for someone to be your girlfriend is when someone is gonna come along. That could just be me though so I dunno.
Just seeing the expression on your face last night before you went off riding was heartbreaking even for me. I know the pain you are going through and I can honestly tell you it is at its worse right now. It is only going to get better. You will find that special someone and eventually ask her to move in with ya and kick me out to the curb. :-p hah, well, i hope to have a place with melanie sometime in the future so I wont be much of a burden to you, if i am any at all.
Anyway, hope you feel better after having slept and hope the rest of your days are ones that you can come home with a smile on your face.
I'm glad you're feeling better.. just remember that you have great friends by your side. I can definitely tell this by their comments.
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