i just talked to annie. still everything's the same. only reason i called was i made a promise to let her know if anything changed with my uncle (which oviously it did).
trying to analyze what was said wasn't too.. hard or easy. nothing's changed with her. basiclly "everyone is against me" attutude. no regerets there... still the "i'ts not fair" attutude. sorry -that's life-
hrm :( don't worry guys, i'm not going to go do anything harmful to myself. just i think this week has been one of the worst in ages. well, maybe ever. just the reality check of this short term life we have here (death), the consquences of our actions (drinking leads to liver cancer), and extreme emotional lonelyness (no siginificant other in my life). yes, i have friends i can call and talk to or go see, yes, i have many friends... just... i want more. i want more than just a friend.
side note that makes no sense to anyone - patterns are a mofo - i saw more of a patteren today. sadly, it didn't supprise me. "some things may never change" tho it appears if they may have now, but if all fails, will it dirvert back to old ways?
i need some money :( good thing i didn't buy those rims - looks like i may have not been able to afford them. i'll be ok with my bills, but when i thought i have money to spare, looks like i got enuf to cover bills. :( i gotta get more income some way. if i do find a girl, i want to be able to treat her out the way i see fit - and with the kind of spare change i have now, i'd have to start cutting back on my pop-tart breakfasts and ham & cheese sandwiches for lunch to afford that... yes, you heard me. my normal day consists of eating a poptart and coke for breakfast; cheese crackers, ham and cheese sandwich and another coke for lunch; and microwave dinner for supper. i haven't bought any alcohol in weeks. i normaly go stright home after work unless i have erronds to run. i drive hardly anywhere after work. i ride my motorycle peridoicly (cause it's twice as efficent as my truck, tho i drive twice as far... - tho this may change now that it's getting COLD) i've bought nothing for my computer in months. i've bought no new clothes since... well, prob this time last year. every month or so i buy a splurge item, which, yes, does add to my expenses... but it's nearly my only relief. items have included: pocket pc, xm radio... well that's all that comes to mind. the xm radio was cheap ($50, plus $13 a month) so that's basiclly equiv to a cd a month, and the pocket pc i'm writing off on taxes. i use it for work. also it helps me keep track of my checkbook and credit card, and when bills are due. i think that alone may make it worth it... i'd like to buy a trailor to pull wiht my truck so i can haul trash, dirt, motorcycle, etc... but right now, i just.. can't.. afford.. it.... i'd like a mini-tiller ($180) to try to salvage my flower beds, but i just.. can't.. afford.. it....
today i'm going to try to devote some hours to studying for the insurance test. new numbers: buddy had 3 appointments. 2 yielded sales, one of those yielding 2 contracts. they were approx $70, 90 and 130 a month premiums. $290 a month total sales that week, x12 = $3480 annual premium. 55% commission is $1914. you get 75% up front, which is $1435.50. buddy gets a check for working 6 hours this week of $1435.50. wtf is up with that?! he said drivetime, meeting, and doing the paperwork took at most 6 hours. so this is $239.25 an hour he gets paid. in 9 months he'll get $159.50 paychecks (the rest of the commission). even he said "i can't sell crack and make this kind of money." and he's right.
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