good productive day

today i got alot accomplished. i got all 4 shocks installed (yeah! no more shitty shitty ride ride!) i got all the spark plugs and spark plug wires replaced. and i got my lawn mower blade sharpened. and i got some anti-freeze. hrm. and my back glass may no longer hit my rear hatch. good stuff. now i'm prob gonna get in a wreck :-
i woke up this morning at like 6:30 and was ready to go. when i got to my parents house dad was like "i wasn't expecting you here this early" [dad gets up like 5:30 every morn]. i told him "if i planned to be here at this time, i couldn't have pulled it off." at this exact moment in time, i've been awake for about 20 hours stright.

i want more power tools. screw my pc, it can be slow and have problems. i want more power tools :)

today brad came over, and i got tipsy. i lit the floor on fire, the took pics. woo hoo. not really too exciting. the smoke didn't smell too good either.

i'm so damn even more confused now. i know what i want. i think i know what i want. i'm pretty sure i know how to get what i want. but i've told myself this before and i still stand by it: i can't toy with somebody else's emotions without knowing how i truly feel first. it took me prob 6 months to realize what it is like to love somebody. i've emptyly said it before, in my younger day ("because that is just what couples said"). if i said that to anybody i truly cared about just as blindly and carelessly as then, how could i trust what they tell me, for i know what i'm telling them is empty. it took me about 6 months to figure out what those feeling were, what they felt like, and how to address them. i've gotton a taste of it that i will never forget. it's not that i no longer love her, but i don't think that we're going to make each other complete. completer, yes. but completly complete? i think something would lack. so this bring me to the point of why i even bring this up. the optomistic side of me says "there could be love at first sight. it's ok to love. go for it." the pessemestic side of me says "it's lust at first sight. you can't really be in love - you've only known her for just about 3 weeks. it's too soon. hold your horses you horndog." i don't know. whatever i choose to say i will be able to stand behind. if i say nothing, and things continue to work out, it'll discredit my disbelief. if i confess, then it will be honest. i hope i will never be capable of saying "i love you" one week, then turning around and saying "i never did love you" or "i no longer love you."

yes, crystal, i'm saying this because of you. i don't know what i feel. i feel somethign strong, but i can't put words to what it is that it is. i think i know but i don't. and i can't toy with anyone's emotions, expecially yours. this whole issue described above is what has been going on thorugh my mind for the past... 2 weeks. yes. 2 weeks. first time this thougth struck me, i thought "no way" now i'm thinking that it only feels nautral. give me time baby.

ok. i need to goto bed and think more. calvin and hobbes might help too. g'nihty - oh, i'll post a few of today pics too :)