wow, no new post since thursday - i'm slacking!

lets see. finished off that long island iced tea and made a blender drink lol. that was good. more i drank the better it tasted (sadly, it was half strenght - too much tequila and it would have made it nasty). only regret was i didn't spend the evening with crystal. it upset her that i was gettin' drunk and i wasn't with her. well, that make her look selfish, so lemme rephrase: i assumed i wasn't going to get to see her, so i killed the night with alcohol; then later found out when we said "spend the weekend together" it actually meant the weekend - i'm so sorry :(

saturday i ran some erronds, got some more networking hardware from home depot, paid some late bills.... went by the motorcycle shop. that place is nice... if i die i want to be surrounded by sport bikes :) but i wanna be able to ride them (or afford to ride them) :( oh well, i'll get a nice one one day. i otta get the one i have working first, but, oh well.

i finally got together with crystal sat night. i was pleasantly delighted to see her :) we seem to have our best conversations when wrapped up in each others arms, in the wee hours of the morning. oh i love every moment of it. it's amazing: a week ago, i thougth our relationship was hunkey dorey. a few days ago, i found it crashing down. now, it's stronger than ever. like i may have said before, I definately have feelings for her. something strong enought to make a move. strong enough for me to make some life changing decisions about love and career [tho the career move was enevitable]. strong enougth to make me feel some feelings that i didn't think i'd feel anytime soon, or as soon as they seem to be developing.

it took me months to say "i love you" to annie. it took me that long to finally experience that. i had never felt like that about anybody else. since that moment, i've looked back at old flames, and seen some of the same signs. but at the time i didn't know what they were, and sure didn't know how to respond. but now i know what it is like to love and to be loved. i say it took months to say that to finally realize what it was, and how i truely felt. i've said it to others back in early highschool, because "that's just what couples do." puppy love. now i don't say it unless i mean it. that's i guess why i'm slow to say it to just anybody. a number of people i know say it to everyone they know that they consider a friend. that would be very ackward for me, for, if i were to date someone like that, how would i know if they were trying to say i was a friend or more?

so yea, i think i may be in love. i'm saying that i can't tell, not because i dont feel anything, no - nothign like that. it's just that i've now only known her for about a month. i feel like "how i can i be in love so quickly?" also i'm afraid if i'm quick to say that and not truely mean it, then it'll dis-validate everythign else i say. so that's the reason i'm not saying it yet - i'm still sorting out my feelings. but i do feel the feeling very strongly.

geeze this blink 182 is getting old - i think this album has looped like 4x now lol

annie, i wanted to offer you the world and you couldn't handle it. i think where we are now is best. you needed to get your priorites in line, and i can't help you do that. i know what i want. you know most of what you want. you knew i could offer it to you, but you wern't ready to accept it. i'm glad to see that you've moved on, and i'm not saying this with anger or sarcasim or anything. i feel better now that you are dating. even if it is with dallas, that's stil fine. i can't say that i didn't see it coming, and so far, everyone agress with me on that statement....

gah i have this hangnail on the side of my index finger, and at the angle i'm typing i keep hitting it, and it's getting annoying as hell....

haha psycho kitty again :) tha little hunter - she's attacking a passing moth/bug thingy. but not after i've teased her for the last 5 mins with my laser pointer (that i just found a few days ago for the first time in years, lol)

yesterday i found one of my drawing pencils, so i may end up doodling something tonight. maybe. i dun know yet. maybe on my vacation i'll brush up on those skills :P if i have any skrizzels left :(

every time i've talked to annie on the phone, it's been so depressing. i'm happy to talk to her, and i don't want her to think that i don't care, but nothing's changed. we are where we are now for a reason - and every day the guilt and regret that i felt is dissapearing more and more. she almost seems to want to make me feel guilty for leaving her. i don't feel that i totally left her, for i was left cold with little place to go. we both made our choices, you're regretting yours; i still think this is best.

oh yea lol i noticed today i cut all my nails except one of my thumbnails :P

crystal: you said you were afarid i'd run back to annie. please belive me when i say i don't intend on doing the such. no, i don't regret anything i said to her, anything we did together, or the time we spent together - it was fun. but some of my needs couldn't be fufilled, with little hope for the future. but i see hope in you. i don't plan on leaving you anytime soon. we found each other during odd circumstances, and i don't plan to let go easily. things may work out, things may not. i don't ask "what if they don't?" for if i do, then i'm expecting them not to.

mmmm... caramel coyote ice cream.... "caramel flavored ice cream with thick caramel swirls and caramel-filled chocolate cups" mmmm.... good shit OH SHIT i got a blender i can make a nice thick milk shake now! hahahaha ok i'm too lazy for that i'll just keep eating it out of the carton like i'm already doing :P

lets see. i found out more about my family today. well, some history. it's amazing everytime i talk to my family, i seem to learn so much more about my past. like my grandfather's death i learned about today. i don't see it fit to talk about here, tho.

wow i've been living in this house for over 8 months already :o

i talked to a neighbor of my parent's today. he's been a car salesman for as long as i can remember. well, so i thougth. last i heard he was the manager that the salesmen goto when someone argues down a price. when i talked to him today, i found owt he's now selling mortages i think (i forget easily.) but i was glad to see him because i asked him, about the situation i'm in, and wether or not i should take a job selling pest contracts, life insurance, or anything else like cars or such. he kinda gave me a wide eyed look and shook his head slowly 'no'. said he had to sell cars for a few years and he didn't like it at all. said there was money to be made, but i'd be so much better off just trying to change job positions, rather than job markets. so now i dun know what i want to do. i did look tongith at some pc jobs in atlanta. some sound promising. most want alot more than i can offer (ccna, 10 yrs experience, etc). so i dunno :(

ok. this got long. but it's my whole extended weekend summed up in a post. w00t!