the daily ramblings

well, i was kinda saddened today when i woke up and my shoulder was still there. that lil bug bite was nowhere to be found. maybe i was glad i didn't have to goto the doctor or hospital, but it also sucked cuz i had to goto work. oh well.

i wanna goto the beach so damn bad. i went last march 04. it was great. i bought my digi camera (sony dsc-f717) the weekend before i went, and i took tons of pictures. i want to go back. i could have went to panama city beach a few months ago, but instead i saw annie off to prom. i gave up waht i wanted to do for the girl. *sulks* :(

i went to kathy's house today. she works wif me. i feel really bad for her - her husband lives in florida, and she's only here until they sell the house, then her and the kids are moving to florida. she reallly misses him, and i could understand. it'd suck if my wife was hours away, and i only got to see her once a month when i fly back. but it was really enjoyable just standing around talking with her. she gave me some more insight on things i hadn't really given much thought on. oh yea i went over there to pick up the computer desk she was getting rid of. anyways, we stood around for about 2 hours just talking, from how her house isn't selling, to her husband being so far away, to how we both hate our jobs, to my past and present relationships, some problems her and her husband has had, etc. yes, she's like 20 years older than i am, hell, she has a son that's my age, and she can be a bitch at work, but she's a really caring person.

i really don't know what's going on with crystal. i'm trying my all to be with her, i want to be with her. sometimes when i call i feel like i'm butting into her buisness, or i feel like i'm distracting her from other things that she'd rather be doing (even tho she says that i'm not interupting anything and she's glad to hear from me). i love talking with her and seeing her, holding her in my arms. i have given up alot for her. i'm quite certian that she wants to be with me. she says she does, and i believe her. i'm just having the hardest time opening up the real her. so many others have hurt her in ways that i can only imagine. because of that, she's slow to reveal emotions that i've grown accustom to. i refuse to give up on her. if this was almost anybody else, i'd probably given up by now. but i can't with her - i feel like i can see further than the surface, and i see a very sweet, loving, caring crystal. that's the crystal i want to be with. i just have got to find a way to prove that i am for real.

i burned a few dvd's last night. woohoo, 8.5 gb freed up hard drive space. the sad thing is i still have 80 gb used on c, 208gb used on d, and 23 gb used on e.

ok well i'm tired and off to bed. i think i had a few more things to say releated to things i said earlier, but i'll either forget about them or talk about them later. chris was right - this is a good things to clear your mind of things....