it doesn't help that my throat is still sore since about the 15th.
and it doesn't help that i put in about 13 hours today.
but what really set me off was the wedding plans.
the flower girl's dress is supposed to be this. yes, it's "only" $100, but at the same time, apparently with recent events in her family, $100 might as well be $20,000. terri's offered to search for more reasonably priced dresses, like with easter coming up deals are to be found. mom even offered to make the dress; she said the pattern didn't look too complicated. apparenlty britt told her mom that the price was an issue, and that it's ok if aley doesn't get that exact dress, but supposedly her mom wants to buy it and won't take no for an answer.
secondly about the wedding is the rehearsal dinner. i don't like asking anybody for anything - unless it might hurt me; even then i'm timid to ask. i don't feel like i deserve anything - so i don't want to ask for anything. i won't turn down help, and i won't turn down freebies - but i don't like to ask. the problem with this is, while traditionally the groom's family provides the rehearsal dinner, i don't want to ask my parents for it. if they want to offer, i'll go along with it, but if they don't offer, i don't want to ask.
my fears, which i hope to put to rest after the next few weeks of premarital counseling, is that my bride understands that everything doesn't have to be perfect and she can't get her way on everything. she's pretty understanding about most things, especially little things that would/do annoy me. she looks over things like when i show up late. she makes sure i know (most of the time weeks/months later) that when i don't want to do something that she wants to do, she goes along with it. most things are like when i don't want mexican for dinner, or don't want to goto a movie, or when i want to hear a random song on the radio while flipping stations. most of these things are privy, and i try to work out compromises. like, if i really don't feel like mexican, how about something else like ____. or, lets watch a movie at home. or, i only want to hear the song for a min, then we can change it.
she really wants a more formal type rehearsal dinner. if my parents do something, i know they're not going to want to do that. i know my parents would probably enjoy doing something personal, like grilling something or bar-b-q. don't make the rehearsal formal, like jeans and a nice shirt, then bar-b-q would be fitting. she's now resorted to saying "whatever you want, i'm not in charge, i don't care" which probably really means "i'm not getting what i want, i'll bring this up against you in the future".
the honeymoon. this shit costs money. especially when she wants to goto the Dominican republic. i'd like to go too, but, if you're advised to stay in the hotel and not to leave, because the locals aren't too fond of Americans, why the hell would i want to go?! i've heard the same about Jamaica: is the barbed wire around the hotel to keep you in, or them out? also, her sister has already went, so it'd almost be like we're copying her. i want to be more original. however, i also know you can't make reservations without putting money down - money that i don't have right now. money that i will have more available to spend here in the next few months. however, she's now telling everyone we're not going to have a honeymoon because i can't afford it. yes, tonight, i got set off when she said that again. i tried not to yell or to be too condescending, but dammit, i want to go somewhere, so if she doesn't, then fine, i'll go somewhere myself. i'm half minded to say "bring it up again and i'll make sure it happens just like that" - i get so damn tired of being almost punished for something i haven't done. wow, long time readers, you might find this similar to historical posts on my blog...
btw, we plan to goto gatlinburg with her parents for their time-share the week after the honeymoon also, in addition to anything else we plan to do.
now her mom is all over her case about me, saying shit like "he probably means for Gatlinburg to be our honeymoon, he should have thought about the honeymoon when he asked me to marry him, and I must not be that important to him." that was from a week ago. this still lights me up every time i read it. in my reply, apparently i pissed her sister off too, somehow.
my parents have half jokingly said from the start we should elope to avoid headaches. apparently britt thinks that is what i want to do, and that i don't want any of the wedding. i just think things have become a little over-elaborated, and that now the expectations aren't being met, and she's beginning to whine. "weddings aren't for the guy" i'm told - i just wanted a small wedding, finger foods at the reception where the cake was cut, we leave, it's over. now it's like 3 hours long, with "only 2 hours of dancing" which, do any of you know me to dance? no. a homemade cake would be fine with me, but no, it has to be professional. why do we need a DJ? why not have a laptop with dance music on shuffle playing: no, we must have a professional. she claims that i want a short wedding cause i'm so horny and can't wait to get her home. again, that's not why i want a short wedding. i just think...
...things have gotten out of control. if you need someone to tell your mom to calm the hell down, i don't mind - i've gotten along with your folks just fine up til now, i don't mind saying what needs to be said. if it rains on sunday, are you going to blame god? i don't think so, so why cry over every little detail: go with the flow, loosen up, and have some fun! damn, we're making ourselves miserable over the happiest day of our life.
anyways. it's now 10:40, i still need to pack for MI and PA, and i have to get up at 4 something. i needed to vent, and this is my blog, so i can say what i want :)
5 comments:
Wow... you shouldn't have all of that stress over a wedding. Chris and I had a small, cheap, simple wedding... and it was the most amazing day ever. And really, the day goes by SO FAST (and later it will all pretty much be a blur to you) there is no point in spending tons of money and getting stressed about it. Seriously.
Yeah, girls get an idea of what their wedding will be like... but sometimes it just doesn't happen that way. Life isn't a fairytale so just get over it. If true love is the real reason for marriage... you wouldn't care if you were getting marred in a courthouse, cheesy Las Vegas chapel, or a wedding that costs thousands of dollars. The important thing would be... just getting married to the person you want to be with forever! Who cares where its at or how much it costs.
Honeymoon... again, who cares. You'll be together forever... there will be PLENTY of time to go on vacations together. Honeymoon is just to spend some fun time together to celebrate your marriage... who cares if its spending a couple nights in a nice hotel in atlanta or going to a foreign destination. And if Gatlinburg were to be a Honeymoon... why is that not good enough? What's more important? What you can brag about to your friends/family... or the time you spend with your new spouse? Like I said... you will have the next uh 80 years to vacation together, you can probably cover everywhere you want to go later when there is $ to do it with, and it isn't forced.
Rehearsal dinner... are yall hoity toity people? If so, have a formal dinner. Or if you just want to be yourselves... have a casual dinner. It's DINNER... not a big deal. Big deal = Marriage.
Maybe I have said too much... but just following this has made me upset for you.
First of all I did say just a couple days after the wedding would be fine. I didn't care. I see you didn't mention that aspect in your speech.
Secondly, I already said I would try to find another dress for Aley.
Thirdly, I was thinking if we could find a park we could have the freakin' rehearsal dinner there.
I have been saying stuff, but maybe I said it too quietly and you didn't hear me.
I love how I "whine" now. I feel the love. :-)I also don't remember bringing up things later about you always doing what you want to do. Then again maybe it's my short term memory :-)
I do love you! Drive Safe.
Brit & Jason-- We've found a pattern with a similar style dress easily made in the same colors (if I can borrow something in that apple red to match it), but it's a bit shorter (still longer than the knee) and sleeveless (not spag straps), a bit more fitting to a 4 year old. If that works, we'd be happy to make it... or I'm happy to go shopping with them to find something more reasonable (as in the $40-$50 range). Honestly, I'd love to be allowed to do *something*. Also, if they won't allow food at the rehearsal location (I'm guessing not, from this blog), I've already offered to find a location as well. Just let me know...
Dude we rented a little cabin in NC for something like 90 bucks a night.
Hot tub, was pretty cool. If you want I can find the link for the place.
I think the best honeymoon destination is one where you two can hang out without worrying if you've "seen everything." I've heard of people just doing touring and being stressed to do it all while they were there. Screw that. I want to sit, chill, watch a movie, cuddle :p .
Oh, I don't dance either :p Don't worry about that part LOL.
None of the spendy bits matter, its all about you and her at the end of the day and who the hell cares what everyone else thinks about it.
Make yourselves a little mix long enough to last the entire reception and we can dance to mp3s. And do you know how much of a big wedding cake is gonna get trashed anyway?
A lot of wedding food is just hors-d'oeuvres so no meal required. I don't even wanna know how much of ours went to waste.
Anyway - end of day, the two of you are it. My main point is not to care about what anyone else did or had or how many layers their cake was. Thats all just sources of ass-pains anyway.
I would have been happy just the same if I got married in the parking lot of the Wal-Mart with nothing to eat but the Tootsie Rolls left over from Halloween.
I think thats the most I've typed in a LONG time so I hope you at least read it all. :p
Hope you are having fun in that cold ass weather up there.
thanks for commenting on my blog... yes... the snow is making me crazy and i don't know how long i can try to keep up a good attitude about it! lol!
i see you're getting married... LOL! so am i... and wow... now i'm wondering if my fiance is thinking these same exact things! it is hard, as the bride, not to want everything to be perfect. i'm struggling with that myself... although my parents can't afford to have anything too expensive. although props to my mom... she does not use a credit card. if she has cash, she will buy wedding stuff--so we've been picking things up over the months and things are really coming together. we did find a family friend who is good with a laptop and is goign to DJ for us. and even found some lights that move to the beat of the music (so we don't have to pay $1000 for a DJ to bring all of the equipment). plus... having a DJ with a laptop and a small set up saves more room for the dance floor!!!
honeymoon--well... i'm feelin' you there. we can't decide either... but we were leaning more toward canada (like british columbia)... or scotland (my dream vacation). but we are only going to shoot for one of those if my fiance gets his supposed bonus at work. otherwise... we'll prob do like the one person commented above and try to find a nice cabin or something in NC. it would be nice to not have to hassle about sight seeing.
i hope you guys get everything figured out! it will all come together!! :)
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